Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
It was empty.  The last pack I had promised myself for the foreseeable future was empty except the battered foil wrapper and a few flakes of tobacco at the bottom that rattled around like bones, drifting into my pocket like toast crumbs in bed sheets.  
And, of course, I still wanted one.  I wanted to step outside into the screaming wind and the soul-leeching cold, Winter's ministers tearing into my cheeks and fingers until the inside of my mouth felt cold.  Failure didn't surprise me anymore.  I'd written it in pencil on every cigarette I'd smoked for the past month.  Failure.  しっぱい.  Debil. できない.  Fracaso.  Weakness.  I'd exhausted every word I knew to deprecate myself across three languages and even with all the graphite and negativity destroying my lungs, I wanted another cigarette.
So I found myself trudging out of the shower and pulling on a pair of sweats, reflexively looking back at the flat sheets of the bed where she should've been a moonlit lump; my ever-lovable, presumably forever lost lump of Rachel.  I threw on my coat without putting on a shirt, grabbed a pair of gloves, and opened the garage door.  Sitting at the steering wheel of the sleeping car, helplessness overwhelmed me and I brought the engine to life.  When the cabin lit up, the seatbelt warning smacking my drowsy, desperate head around, I saw what I hadn't seen in the passenger seat: a snake.
A failed biologist and a recovering medical school hopeful, I could tell it was venomous by the pit between its nostrils and its eyes which it locked eagerly on mine.  All coiled up, I couldn't tell its exact length, but four or five feet seemed to fit with its mass.  I could swear it was smiling at me.  
I should've run, I should've called animal control, I should've done lots of things, but instead I sat there in apprehensive half-dread, half-excitement, paralyzed.  The snake dropped its head on the elbow rest between our seats and flicked its tongue at me facetiously.  There was something bizarrely Oscar Wilde in the snake, that look of sardonic amusement in its eyes.  It had the laidback manner of a predator promised easy prey.  I pushed myself against the car door.
"It's a rather lovely car you have.  Leather has always appealed to me," so spoke the serpent.  "Where are you going at this hour?"
"I see.  Perhaps to buy cigarettes?"
"Yes, actually.  Are you going to kill me?"
The snake opened its mouth wide in a grotesque mockery of a sigh.  "How pedestrian do you think I am?  I'm a talking king cobra for goodness' sake!  No, I have no desire to kill you, only help you realize what you desire.  You see, I don't smoke, but I came across this package of cigarettes earlier this evening and I was wondering if you'd like to take them off my hands.  Or lack thereof, rather."
"Sure," I blurted, an uneasiness welling up in the base of my spine.  "I'm… trying to quit though."
"Haven't you noticed you can't do anything?  'Trying' is a term reserved for those who don't fail in every endeavor they undertake.  Rather, you sir, in my estimation, are 'floundering.'  Desperate to find what you actually want and entirely incapable of such simple self-analysis.  For shame, what do you hope to achieve by 'struggling' to quit?  A sense of self-worth?  It's disgusting, really.  Regardless, you would like these cigarettes, no?"
"Yes," escaped the defeated murmur.  "Yes, but I won't take them."
The snake crawled into my lap, his head on my shoulder, his crown flared.  The smooth contractions of his muscles and the weightlessness of his bones was eerie.  I stifled a shudder.  So much for a smoke, I thought.
"Oh, I think you will take them.  I'm rather sure of it.  You haven't the constitution to refuse."
"Get off me."
"And if I should choose not to?"
"I'll kill you."
"We both know how unlikely that is.  Now please, humor me, have a cigarette.  You happen to be wearing my patience exceptionally thin," the snake spat into my ear.
"Be realistic."
"No," I said steadier, louder.  "I will not."
"Unrealistic people are certainly a chore," the snake muttered, wrapping his tail around a cigarette and bringing it towards my face.  "They're so much like children."
"I will not smoke that," I resolutely stated aloud, more to myself than the snake.  
"If not now, tomorrow.  If not tomorrow, next week.  You haven't the power to grapple with demons my friend, however small they may be.  It simply isn't in you."
"Shut up already.  I'm going back to bed."
"How rude.  I was only offering you what you clearly want."
"No, no you're not.  You've turned a cigarette into some damn metaphor and you haven't a clue what I want."
"Oh I do.  Fame, fortune, power, and all those miscellaneous vanities men hold so dear.  You're not all that unique, you want these things."
I stepped out of the car.  In the dark of the open garage, I felt the snake grip tighter to me to fight the cold.  A bolt of fire ran down from the base of my skull to my feet, he had shown weakness.
"I want what I want, even if I don't know what that is yet.  Right now, I want to go to bed and tomorrow I want to bake cookies."
"How superficial.  You want to be more attractive?  More self-assured?  You want a cigarette, accept it at face value.  I'm prepared to help you with this 'metaphor' of yours as well, but let's take baby steps."
"Go die in a fire!  I want chocolate chip cookies."
I tore the snake off me before he could protest and stomped on his head.  I drove the heel of my boot into his spine and felt his ribs cracking like toothpicks.  He reared to bite my leg and I stuck my foot into his jaw and split his skull wide open against the floor of the garage.  Grabbing him by the tail, I threw his thrashing body into the driveway and drove over him.  Reverse, drive, reverse, drive, my tires slick with snake guts and squealing on the blacktop.  At last, the rage bubbling out of me, I pulled the car in the garage, parked, and cut the engine.  The sobering rush of silence and night air helped me gather myself.  
I shut the garage door, poured myself a whiskey with shaking hands, and turned on the television.  Watching music videos, my eyes stinging with fatigue, I finally slipped into a victorious sleep that promised tomorrow, the world was mine.  And I would not meet it looking for an ash tray.
Unfortunately for Satan, people don't go around naked and vulnerable anymore. Also, they own cars.

Wow, I wasn't expecting much to come of this, but a DLD is a wonderful surprise. I'm flattered by the sentiment, I'll be sure to edit this story so it better fits in its new mantle. Thanks to everyone for the reads and the favs, I appreciate it.
Add a Comment:
UltimaMage578 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
I love the part where the the character ran over the snake.
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011
Thanks! Maybe I'll stretch that part out a bit, in rereading it seemed woefully brief for a climatic moment.
UltimaMage578 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011
Okay, just as long as you keep the awesome dialogue. Especially the cookie line.
wh0rem0ans Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
This is very creative!
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011
Thank you! It's not an especially novel story or anything, but I'm glad you could see the new spin on it.
wh0rem0ans Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2011
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
RollingTomorrow Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2011   General Artist
Thank you for entering the Writing Tournament at #Writers--club! :la:

This was an interesting piece! One thing I want to point out is that some of your dialogue seemed a bit flat. The lines spoken themselves were good, but you can give them more meaning by adding words about how a character says them. Allow me to give an example...

"How rude. I was only offering you what you clearly want," the snake remarked coldly.

Nevertheless, good work with this! :)

Founder of #Writers--club and #LandoftheSky
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011
Quite welcome, it was fun!

Glad you found it interesting. I have the same disconnect with the dialogue in this piece, but I try to avoid that kind of subtext as much as possible. It's easy to put in too much and take away the chance for a reader to interpret it. I wonder if the words aren't coming off as flat because they're on the unrealistic side? This piece is on a back burner, but thanks for giving me something to think about using to fix it up!
shadowauthor Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing!! Love it a lot! I'm trying to get my boyfriend to quit, so I think I will show him this
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2010
Glad you liked it! I hope that helps. Otherwise I can hook you up with a web site selling cobra eggs on the cheap...
MsStarryDuck Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hmm the mood and the setting really grip you with this one. Ah Satan as a King Cobra. You're so clever. A wonderful way of showing the inner struggles of trying to quit something that you not only get used to but feel like it's a part of who you are.
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2010
I wanted venom and with biblical allusion originality is mostly dead(except the Jesus lion business). I'm glad that much came across. Thanks for reading!
Posuer Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
=] This brightened my day. This is an incredibly relatable peice, I found myself having one of THOSE days as well today. Even if it's not related to ciggaretes. i'm certain thats what you meant to say.

This felt a little bleak at times (the begining especially) but certainly took a pleasant turn towards the end. I admire how you did that. =]
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
Oh you know, those days where Satan's out to steal your immortal soul in his typical serpent costume and capitalize on a moment of weakness and self-doubt. We all have 'em. I'm glad it helped you kick yours out of the way, though!

Humor is not nearly as toxic as some people think. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
Posuer Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah. x] happens to the best of us.

Sure thing. =]
TheDevilsMittens Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
"Go die in a fire! I want chocolate chip cookies."

I'll be overusing that. Your stories always rock my world.
Chatzoth504 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
Haha, thanks. Never underestimate a little levity! I'm glad you liked it.
KreepingSpawn Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
WIN! :dummy:
Add a Comment:

:iconchatzoth504: More from Chatzoth504

Featured in Collections

Prose by 91816119

Literature by RustyMutt

Writing by hinamori13

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
December 8, 2010
File Size
7.3 KB


18 (who?)


Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.